Jackson, age 3

I am just so proud of Jackson. He never ceases to amaze me. He is so sweet and sensitive. He hates to disappoint me.

Not long ago, we were at the grocery store and he purposefully kicked the chips after I specifically asked him to be careful not to kick them. I told him he lost the privilege of sitting in the cart. He threw a fit which escalated to a full on temper tantrum right in the store, and I even had to spank him when we were checking out, right in front of everyone. On the way home, I told him he was not allowed to talk to me because I was not happy about his choices at the store, and when we got home he spent some time in his room. When he came down, he said, of his own accord, "Mom, I'm sorry I was not a good boy at the store. I want to be a good boy now." For the rest of the night, he was. Three days later, while we were eating lunch, he randomly asked me, "Mom, are you happy with me about the store?" I said, "Jackson, I am not happy you made bad choices at the store, but you told me you were sorry and you have been a good boy, and I forgive you, so I am happy with you now." But he continues to ask me every now and then if I am happy about that one incident, and I always give the same reply. When I tell him I am not happy with him, it really hurts his feelings and has such an impact on him that a lot of times that is all I'll have to say. Oh, he throws his fits, don't get me wrong, but I usually only have to let him know that he isn't making a good choice and I'm not happy about it, and after a minute to think about it, he gets control of himself, and turns his behavior around. However, he is VERY impressionable, so when he is around other friends who are not making good choices, he often gets caught up in it and gets in trouble. I can see that I will have to work very hard at teaching him that he needs to choose the right always, no matter what everyone else around him is doing.

Academically, he has surpassed everyone in our class in every subject, and he is the youngest 3-year-old of the group. He is even performing at a higher level than my 5-year-old preschooler. He knows all the letters and sounds, knows about vowels and their 2 sounds, can recognize numbers up to 100 and can count that high by 1's, 5's and 10's. He can also tell you all the days of the week, and tell you which day comes after a named day. He knows how to spell his name and can even write some of the letters. He can tell you his birthday, how old he is, and his phone number. I have decided that starting in January, I am going to begin to teach him how to read and practice sight words with him. Already, when we read at night, I'll read a page and say, "Can you find the word duck on the page? Think about the sound you hear at the beginning of the word. What does duck start with? Can you find a word on the page that starts with that same letter?" He gets it right every time.

Today I was doing a worksheet with the kids that I quickly realized was pretty over their heads, but I did it anyway with Jackson, and he got it after a few examples. The thing that shocked me was that the first step on the sheet was counting a set up to 5. I realized he doesn't need to count if the set if a group of 1, 2, 3 or 4. He can look at the group and tell you how many are there. That is a skill that doesn't usually come till after Kindergarten! His fine motor skills need to catch up with his brain, but we are working on that. But he can cut perfectly (striaght lines only) almost with no assistance whatsoever.

I also am constantly touched by his sweet spirit. He loves to say prayers and actually gets sad when it isn't his turn. Today I overheard him and some of his friends pretending to have a Thanksgiving feast in the kitchen center. One friend was serving the food and the feasters were about to eat, and Jackson said, "Wait! Don't eat yet! We have to say a prayer!" He said one very quickly and then opened his eyes, and said, "Okay, NOW you can eat!" Then tonight in our bedtime prayers he thanked the Lord for the rain we recently had and asked Him to please bless Sam so his diaper rash will get better. I was so touched that he thought of his brother's poor sore bottom (he has had diarrhea all day).

Anyway, I was just feeling very overwhelmed with love for this sweet boy the Lord sent to me. I know he isn't perfect, but gosh, he is such a joy to me! I wanted to document how I was feeling and all I have been thinking about today.

Mollie Conroy, inspiration to all...

In honor of breast cancer awareness month, my sister's salon http://www.lookscompany.com/
is having a spa day with special treats and bonuses for breast cancer patients and survivors. They are featuring my mom, and about 70% of their proceeds for the day are going to go to my mom (who will probably turn around and regift it to Susan G. Komen). My sister's work asked her to write a bio for my mom, but since she knows that words are my talent, she asked me to write it. Here is what I wrote:

Seven years ago, the battle of a beloved local teacher and mother began.
On January 1, 2004, Mollie Conroy was diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer after finding a lump on her left breast. A prompt lumpectomy was scheduled and doctors removed several lymph nodes as well. Further biopsy of the lymph nodes showed 4 out of 17 to be cancerous.
Mollie, a Broken Arrow South Intermediate High School Law Teacher, Mock Trial coach and mother of 3 children, was determined to be in stage III of breast cancer. Of the four stages of cancer, stage III usually means the cancer is larger, and may have started to spread into surrounding tissues and there are cancer cells in the lymph nodes in the area.
“I had many sleepless nights. I still had a 9-year-old son at home to raise,” said Mollie.
When she recovered from surgery, she quickly started a dose dense treatment of chemotherapy. Amazingly, Mollie, once honored as SIHS’s Teacher of the Year, continued to teach half-days for the remainder of the semester. “By the end of the semester, I was a zombie. By final exams, my sub just took over. I was too sick. I was so grateful for that.”
Mollie underwent chemo followed by radiation through the end of September. During these months, she lost all her hair and struggled with many of the other side effects of cancer treatment, including digestion problems, a compromised immune system, intermittent fevers, extreme fatigue, and joint pain among many other discomforts.
In the Fall of 2004, she attended Susan G. Komen’s Race for the Cure in Tulsa. She related, “It was like a big pep rally. I even felt comfortable enough taking off my cap in public for the first time. It was humbling to see how many people were supportive of what I thought of as my own private battle.”
However, despite her battle, Mollie’s thoughts continued to turn to her family. “I saw a teenage boy with ‘In Memory of My Mother’ on the back of his shirt. I thought, ‘I never want my own son to go through that.” Later that fall, a CAT scan came back all clear. There was no active cancer left in Mollie’s body.
Mollie had a 3 year respite from cancer, but her fight was a long way from over. In the Spring of 2007, she felt some bumps on the left side of her collarbone. Unfortunately, a PET scan showed that the cancer had spread to her left ribs and lymph nodes at the base of her neck. The cancer had metastasized and Mollie was upgraded to a Stage IV. Even through another round of chemo, Mollie continued to teach high school, taking off as needed. Her doctor advised her to retire, but she refused. “I loved my job,” she said.
But at the end of the school year, after doctors removed a benign growth on her fallopian tubes, she realized that she had missed a total of 20 days of school that year. Feeling that her students deserved more, she submitted her retirement paperwork in 2008. She left her students and the Mock Trial team she had started and coached for BAHS for 10 years.
Mollie’s work in education didn’t end with her teaching career, however. In 2007, she volunteered with Families and Communities Empowered for Safety (FACES) and created “Hometown Heroes: Teachers Reporting Suspected Child Abuse or Neglect,” an in-service program making teachers aware of signs and behavior to look for in abuse victims and the responsibilities they have to report suspected abuse. She has also served on the Board of Directors for FACES twice, as well as periodically returned to assist the BAHS Mock Trial team as a volunteer.
In the fall of 2009, a check-up CAT scan revealed that Mollie’s cancer had returned yet again, showing 6 tumors in her lung. For the third time, she started chemo, this time on new drugs, Abraxane and Avastin. By February 2010, the drugs reduced her tumors and were no longer visible on a CAT scan. She stayed on a maintenance dose until the FDA removed Avastin from the market for breast cancer patients.
Once off the treatment, her tumors returned again rapidly. This time Mollie found a Clinical Trial in Dallas, TX for a new treatment, promising great results for triple-negative cancer patients. “I entered what felt like the lottery, and I was chosen,” she said. Mollie is currently driving to Dallas twice a month to receive treatment.
Through all she has been through, Mollie continues to inspire others with her optimism. “I feel very fortunate to be able to get [this new treatment]. One of my friends with the same type of cancer I have didn’t live long enough to participate in this clinical trial. She wanted to do it, but when she applied, they told her she was too far along. She passed away in early 2010,” Mollie confided. “I feel relatively blessed. I have a husband supporting me so I could have the luxury of retiring. So far, I have no long-term side effects of treatment. I never struggled with depression. I became closer to the Lord during this time, and I became bolder saying so. My family has been my number one support team, and I also received support from my church and the kids in my classes. My cancer brought out the best in people.”

Some of God's Greatest Gifts...

...are unanswered prayers.

Well, really we know that all prayers are answered. We just may not get the answer we were hoping for or an answer in the way we hoped for.

Today I am feeling grateful for "unanswered prayers" in a Garth Brooks kind of way. I am so blessed to live the life I do. I narrowly escaped a very different life. Just happy. Busy, but happy. I wouldn't change a thing.

My Compulsion: Exercise

It may be a good thing that I am tied to the house for most of the day because if I had more time, I may be a little nutso with the working out. I'm talking like every day for hours on end.



I seriously LOVE working out. I love feeling the burn, pushing myself to the limits of what I can do, having complete control of my body instead of my body controlling or limiting me.



I think it is because I feel strong when I'm lifting weights. I feel like if anyone tried to mess with me, I could take them. I feel fast when I run, like I could outrun any danger.



And I hate, hate, hate the fat that still remains on my body.



When I am working out, I can feel my muscles working and my lungs opening up and my whole body feels alive.



Except the fat.



It sits on my hips and my hangs on to the bottom of my arms and my tummy. It is a foreign mass I can't reach; it is unresponsive when the rest of my body is on overdrive. It makes me angry that I can't control it and make it do what I want it to do. I feel it jiggling when I run, an unwanted hitchiker holding on for dear life. It motivates me to move faster and work harder because I know that is the only way to get it off of me.



See? I told you. CRA-ZY. I have lost a lot of weight, but there is still a ways to go for me to be satisfied. I can't wait until Ben graduates, the boys are in school, I quit working, and I have time during the day to do a few things I want to do. I dream of playing outdoor soccer again, or training to kickbox, or even training to become a personal trainer myself -just something competitive, that pushes me, but Ben's schedule is just too unpredictable right now. Some day, maybe, but for now I have to settle for the few times I can make it to the gym a week, and be grateful for the days when my workout doesn't get interrupted my poopy diapers or a inconsolable child. Does that sound selfish?



And P.S. I wasn't this person (much) before I had babies. What is it about post-babies that turned me into such a workout freak?

Are YOU My Mother?

We have two versions of this book. One, a board book and shortened version, is Sam's favorite bedtime book. The other, the full hardback version, is Jackson's. I probably have read this book to Jackson 6 out of 7 nights every week for the past 2 months.

When I read it to Sam, I always make the animal sound effects and a mmm-mmm hug sound when the mother bird and baby bird are reunited at the end. Now he makes those sounds for me when we read it together. :)

I do the same for Jackson.

Today I was cleaning upstairs and the boys were running around and playing in the loft. I turned off hte vaccuum to hear, "A mother bird sat on her egg..." I walked into the loft behind Jackson, where I wouldn't distract him, and watched and listened as he recited the entire book to himself with about 80% word for word accuracy, complete with sound effects. This book is probably a 40 page book with 1 to 3 sentences per page. I was shocked, amazed, proud, and entertained. SO of course, I did what any mother would do...

I called my mom and snuck up behind him and had her listen. :)

What a smartie Jack is turning out to be!! He makes me smile with pride and laugh at his zest for life daily. I am blessed to be his mom.

Frosty the Snowman

My kids LOVE this movie. Love it so much they'd watch it over and over and over and over if I let them. This morning when they woke me up, I was super tired for some reason. I fed them breakfast and asked Jackson which movie he wanted so I could lay down on the couch for a bit, and of course he wanted Frosty. We have watched that movie all year long. I tried to put it away once, but they begged me for it, so I relented.

If you think I am just describing Jackson, you are quite mistaken. When one sesssion of Frosty ends and the movie goes back to the Menu screen, Sam stomps his feet, points to the TV and demands, "TAAAAH-tee!"

Jackson likes to get out his guitar and play-jam to the Frosty theme music. This morning he was doing this and Sam was doing his silly baby dance. I wish I had gotten it on tape. It was super-cute.

Vegetable Pizza

Some of you may already have this recipe because I got it when we had a RS activity a few years ago in the Saginaw ward and I was asked to make it (along with several other people). It was the first time I had ever had it and I loved it! It's crazy because I hate most of the ingredients. (Squash? UGH. I remember that being a hill I was ready to die on as a youth.) But you have got to try it!! Even my kids will eat it (with a little ranch dressing to spice it up.) Okay, correction, Jackson ate it, but Sam didn't, but Sam doesn't count because he doesn't eat anything but bread and macaroni unless I trick him!!

Here's the yummy recipe and it is even good reheated, I think.

4 medium baking potatoes, shredded (I cheated and defrosted a bag of hash browns)
1 md onion
2 eggs, beaten
1/4 c of flour
1 tsp salt
1 T olive oil
1 md zucchini, sliced thin
1 md yellow squash, sliced thin
1 md yellow or red bell pepper (all I had on hand was green and that worked just fine)
1 sm red onion, sliced thin
2 cloves garlic (I used a few small spoons of pre-minced garlic - I don't do garlic - too messy)
goat cheese (Alouette -I think- is my favorite brand - I use it alot with different recipes)
cherry tomatoes, sliced thin
2 T. basil
1 c shredded mozzerella

If you used potatoes instead of hash browns, shred potatoes and onion. Add eggs, flour, and salt and press onto a pizza pan (I sprayed mine first with Pam to prevent sticking, and it still stuck a little.) Bake at 425 for 15 minutes. Take crust out of oven, brush with 1T of olive oil and put back in oven for 10 more minutes at 425. Then turn up heat and broil for 2-3 minutes or until golden and crisp. While crust is in oven, combine zucchini, yellow squash, pepper, onion, and garlic in a skillet with remaining olive oil and cook until crisp and tender, stirring often. Spread goat cheese on crispy potato crust and top with veggies and tomatoes. Sprinkle with mozzerella and basil. Bake for 5-7 minutes more at 425. Yum-Yum-YUMMO! I wish I had taken a picture to show you the finished product, but alas, we dug in too quickly!!