The best part of my day...

Wow, what a day I had today!

The culmination of all my training: Ab Crunch Challenge! Up till today, the maximum number I had crunched was 1200. My goal was 1500. Today I crunched 3,194 times, and I didn't even place. First place did over 5000, second place did 3700, and third place did 3400.

Ben came to watch me, and they asked him to be my counter which we hadn't planned on, but it was so awesome to feel his support while I tested my limits. For some reason I always feel this need to prove to him that I'm no weak woman! That (among many reasons) is why I always want him by my side during labor. I'll push myself harder if he is there. He was whispering encouragement the whole time and telling me how proud he was of me. He is just awesome!

I was a little disappointed that I didn't place as I'm a pretty competitive person. So after I put the boys down for a nap, (Ben was watching a movie.) I decided to go for a run. I wasn't sure how much I'd be able to run, but my stomach was not sore after crunching, just numb, so I thought I'd just see how it went and stop if I felt like I needed to. I ran 6 miles in 57 minutes., topping my previous record (last week) of 5 in 45 min.

(This competition has aroused a desire in me to compete in something athletic. I'd like to run a marathon, learn to rockclimb, start training to kickbox competitively, or re-join an indoor soccer team. I have always had such a need to push myself physically and I realize it is something I have been missing in my life.)

For dinner this evening, we had homemade shrimp alfredo (YUM) and for dessert I made a strawberry shortcake with strawberry cake, a strawberry and strawberry glaze mixture, and a whipped cream/cream cheese topping (YUM YUM).

After dinner we were able to bribe Jackson to poop in the potty (barely) with some dessert. We made quite a fuss over the smallest poop you ever saw, but at least it was a step in the right direction! :)

Also today, Sam decided to accompish many milestones in one day. (Recently he started clapping. It is super cute! We can just say, "YAY!" and he starts clapping. It is also really cute how he sometimes acts bashful and hides his head under his arms when we clap with him.) Today I asked him, "Where's mama's nose?" and he reached out with his little pointer finger and, with his tongue hanging out of his mouth, he touched my nose! I was astonished that he actually did it, so I asked him to do it two more times and he did. Then I asked him to show me my mouth and my eyes; he did those also! What a little smartie I have! He just barely turned 10 months!!

He also started saying Mama today. Out of the blue, he was sitting in Ben's lap, trying to get down and crawl to me, and clear as day, he babbled, Mamamamamama. Ben put him down and he crawled right to where Jackson and I were playing Memory. Of course, that was the end of the game as Sam wanted to put all the cards in his mouth and we couldn't keep up with his octopus arms, but it was awesome!

But the absolute best part of my day was when Sam and I had a few moments to ourselves as I gave him a bath and got him ready for bed separate from Jackson tonight. We played in the bath, had a one-sided mini-tickle fight, and then I dressed him, read him a story, and rocked him as I sang hymns to him. He NEVER sits still enough for me to rock him lately, so it was such a moment. When we started, I had him facing forward, but he turned himself around and snuggled up to me and buried his face in my shoulder while I sang. In that moment, I felt the Spirit confirm to me that Heavenly Father was pleased with me and my family, and I cried a little because I was just so overwhelmed with love for my child and happiness with my life.

Bad Dream

Do you ever remember things that happened a long time ago and feel like they happened yesterday? And do they make you angry? Like a dream that felt so real that when you woke up the emotions carried over?

I'm struggling today. I don't know why, but things have been brought to the front of my mind today that I wish I could pretend happened to someone else.

Every day I am so happy and grateful for the blessings that I have in my life. That I probably don't deserve. But dang it!! I'm going to hold tight to them and work every day to BE deserving of them.

When these angry feelings get the better of me, I know they threaten my happiness and the happiness of my family and marriage. It is such a struggle to fight them off!

Like the dream, I tell myself it isn't relevant to my current reality, but nevertheless, my mind keeps floating back to the angry thoughts and I get re-angered.

Forgiveness is a daily battle, I'm convinced. I never knew that until I had to do it. I thought you could just snap your fingers and say ,"I forgive you," and that was it. All was restored to a peaceful balance. Not so. At least for me.

And you know what? It is totally Satan. And I know that. My Heavenly Father who loves me so much, and blesses me so much, wants me to be happy, and to let it go. And I want to.

So I'm going to fight the fight.

Potty Frustrations

Monday (our first day back in the swing of things) was a great day and Jackson went all day in big boy underwear with no accidents (made for day 2 of no accidents). Till we got to the gym that night. This is his second accident at the gym and the pee gets all over the floor, so the day care worker asked me to stop sending him in underwear, to put him in pull-ups when he comes to the gym. Sigh...embarrassing.

Tuesday was a horrible day. Accidents all over the place and I finally had to put him in a pull-up because I had changed his clothes 3 times. Today has been better, but still at least 2 accidents, but I just didn't have the energy to put him in underwear today because he has seemed to regress a little and I think it is causing him to hold his poop in and not go. He still tells me when he needs to go pee-pee, but then sometimes he goes and doesn't tell me.

He has yet to poop in the potty. He was so afraid that he hasn't pooped for 3 days. Finally last night we had to give him some laxative powder. Solved that problem and he has been tooting all day - which he thinks is hilarious, and so do the preschoolers.

I think we are going to get through Thur and Fri doing the best we can and have another naked weekend this weekend. Like I said, if we could just get him to poop in the potty, I really think we'd break that barrier. He gets so upset when he has a pee accident! I really think he has been trying hard with the pee, but the whole constipated thing has messed him up. He'll strain, trying to poop, and pee instead. I don't want him to get frustrated because so far he has had such a positive attitude about everything, just not pooping. I don't know why he is so stressed about it, but I don't want to make it worse.

Sigh...

Potty Progress

WARNING: At some point, I plan to have my blog bound as a hard copy of my journal, so many things I document for my records and family reference. The following blog is about potty-training and may include more details than you want to read. Proceed at your own risk!
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I vowed to put everything I had into Potty training Jackson this Spring Break since we weren't planning on going anywhere this year. He did really well, and made several steps in the right direction. I truly believe that he would be potty trained already if I had the time to be more consistent with him, but when you are taking care of 10 kids and 4 are still in diapers...you forget. A lot. Whenever we really try to encourage him , he jumps right in and goes potty. He is proud of himself and he likes to go, so I couldn't in good conscience give up until I had given it one last good try.

On Friday, Jackson didn't have any accidents all day (I don't count the time he peed a little on the carpet because he was trying to push out a little toot, haha)!! He will now tell me he needs to go pee-pee and go take care of it completely on his own, but only if he is naked. If he is dressed, he doesn't even think about it.

Several times when he was naked, he needed to go poop. He wigged out!! The first time, he came running toward the bathroom all flustered, saying "I wanna lay down! I wanna lay down!" (That is what he says sometimes if he has a poopy diaper and wants me to change it.) and as he was running, I saw a little poop hit the floor. When I realized he needed to poop more, I tried to get him to sit on the potty and he would sit, but the second he was about to go, he'd freak out and jump up. I don't know why, but he seems to be scared to poop in the potty.

I told him he'd get in trouble if he pooped or peed on my carpet, and that seemed to work - no more accidents on the carpet when he was naked. (Not my finest moment of parenting, but I did that because he sees our new puppy get a spanking when she has an accident on the carpet and it seemed to connect with him that the carpet is NOT the place to go if he needs to. I tell him puppies pee-pee and poo-poo outside and big boys go potty in the potty, but we do NOT go potty on the carpet.)

Since then every time he needs to poop, he runs back and forth from the playroom to the potty. He'll sit, then jump up and run away, then he'll come back and sit, and then jump up and run away. He has yet to poop in the potty. He needs to go right now, in fact, and he keeps begging me to put his diaper and jammies back on. I keep refusing and telling him that big boys go poo-poo in the potty and if he needs to go, he should go sit down. We have tried sitting there and singing songs and I have even promised him a Chocolate Santa left over from Christmas which he wants more than anything!! I feel like we are close and if I can just get him to sit and go, we'd break that barrier, and he'd see it's not scary, and we'd be mostly done with potty training.

I wish today wasn't the last day of Spring Break because I feel like if I could just have a couple more naked days and then maybe a transitional few days in big boy underwear, then we'd be there, but I worry what will happen when all the kids come back tomorrow.

Welcome Spring!

(This picture is wishful thinking...)

This weekend Ben went back to Woody Woods to work more on the cabin and hunt a little. He didn't get a Spring Break, so he was in dire need of some down time away from the stresses of life. He recruited his dad, my brother and my father to go with him.

Yesterday was the first day of Spring. This Spring Break has been absolutely beautiful weather, with temperatures reaching above 70, but Saturday (yesterday) was the one day we were almost guaranteed a day-long thunderstorm and cold-front. Saturday morning that cold front cold very cold, and the rain turned to unexpected sleet and snow and we.got.pelted!

I made a trip to Wal-mart at about 7:00 with Jackson, while my mom (who stayed with me in FW) stayed with a sleeping Samson. The conditions at that time were blizzard-like. As I was trying to get Jackson & groceries in the car after shopping, the strong winds blew my cart away several times and my door slammed shut twice. The snow was coming down so strong I had to close my eyes and protect my face from stinging sleet. We didn't end up getting much snow that stuck this morning, but what we did get turned to a layer of ice. As we watched the news debating on whether we should go to church, we saw that there were many accidents and even some fatalities already by 9 a.m. (We decided NOT.)

So now I am worried about our men coming home from East Texas where temps did NOT get below freezing and they got off and on thunderstorms. I cannot call them because they are deep in the Davy Crockett National Forest (We have family land and a cabin there.) and they get no service. I can only hope that by the time they get to this area, the roads (and temperature) will be warmed up and used enough that they will no longer be hazardous.

However, my FIL and my family have to continue on to Tulsa. Tulsa was expected to get up to 10 inches of snow and temperatures will not be above freezing until Monday afternoon. We'll have to see what my dad thinks when he gets here, but I predict that they will be staying here an extra day!

Photo Update - V Day to Spring Break

Jackson was watching a movie before bed and got seats for his baby bear and his puppy to watch it with him. I just thought that was so cute.

"The guys" are taking a ride in Daddy's shoes.

Bathtime with brother is so fun!! "He got me all wet," is what Jackson says. He doesn't like Sam's splashing, but they both laugh a lot.

Sam is Mr. Mischief these days. Today I caught him splashing around in an open potty. Heaven help me when he starts really walking. He could if he wanted to right now, and he has taken a few steps, but he is such a speedy crawler he doesn't want to take the time to try to walk. It slows him down too much.

Last Friday we were playing "sleepy zombies". Mama was a sleepy zombie chasing him, and Jackson has a bad habit of running without watching where he is going and this time the couch taught him a not-so-fun lesson. It looks better now. He didn't get the complete black ring around his eye, but he had a nasty cut and bruise on his eyelid.

February date night: We went to Main Event. We bowled, played in the arcade, ate dinner, and even played some laser tag.

We got a four day weekend for President's Day courtesy of record-breaking snowfall. I only had one kid in school that day so we adopted him into our family for the day. We made snow forts, had a snowball fight, and then warmed up with hot chocolate. It was a fun February surprise!

Family

So Mrs. Olivia and I were talking today about the kids while they were cleaning up and transitioning to handwashing/lunch. We came to the conclusion that not one single child I have ever had in my (full-time) care has a complete original family originating from the same two biological parents who are still together. Not one. Here is the breakdown:

Total of adopted children I have had in care: 4

Total of children being raised by a single parent: 4

Total of children with one or more parents remarried, with half-siblings: 4

I am just stating facts here. I have been remarried myself, and could have easily had a child from that marriage, so I'm not judging. I just think these stats say something about the deterioration of the family, and how Satan will go to great lengths to destroy it.

Now, in contrast, every single kid I have ever had in part-time care (don't know why that makes a difference) HAS come from a two-parent, original biological parents, non-half siblings family.

Makes me grateful to have an eternal family!!