Do you ever remember things that happened a long time ago and feel like they happened yesterday? And do they make you angry? Like a dream that felt so real that when you woke up the emotions carried over?
I'm struggling today. I don't know why, but things have been brought to the front of my mind today that I wish I could pretend happened to someone else.
Every day I am so happy and grateful for the blessings that I have in my life. That I probably don't deserve. But dang it!! I'm going to hold tight to them and work every day to BE deserving of them.
When these angry feelings get the better of me, I know they threaten my happiness and the happiness of my family and marriage. It is such a struggle to fight them off!
Like the dream, I tell myself it isn't relevant to my current reality, but nevertheless, my mind keeps floating back to the angry thoughts and I get re-angered.
Forgiveness is a daily battle, I'm convinced. I never knew that until I had to do it. I thought you could just snap your fingers and say ,"I forgive you," and that was it. All was restored to a peaceful balance. Not so. At least for me.
And you know what? It is totally Satan. And I know that. My Heavenly Father who loves me so much, and blesses me so much, wants me to be happy, and to let it go. And I want to.
So I'm going to fight the fight.
About Me
- Colleen
- Fort Worth, TX, United States
- I am a SAHM mom of 3 kids. My husband is an Emergency Medicine resident at a local county hospital.
Just Me
Colleen enjoys playing with her kids, doing any kind of crafts, reading a good novel, singing for fun and on stage, taking warm baths at night, playing soccer, working out, and cuddling up on the couch with her honey watching movies and eating super-buttery popcorn!
Doctor Ben
Ben spends his time working, working, working...or studying! When he has a minute of free time he loves to wrestle with Jackson, cuddle up with Sam, tickle-attack Ally, hunt, build something or play any type of sports with his wife.
Jackson Garit, age 5
Jackson is my sweet, considerate, intelligent, curious, and slightly hyperactive child. He will walk up and talk to anyone and can't sit quietly while I read him a story without asking me a million questions and commenting all the way through. I love his zest for life and eagerness to please. He is a great example for his little brother.
Samson Jay, 3.5 years
Samson lets nothing hold him back. It's as if he is on a mission to prove that he should have been the first child. He is stubborn, but silly, persistent, but sweet. He is my little snuggle-bear!
Allyson Anne, age 12 mos
Ally is such an easy baby. She is just pretty easy-going most of the time. She loves tickling games or playing hide-and-seek. She just started walking, but usually only takes up to 6 or 7 steps at a time before deciding that crawling is faster. She is VERY curious.
1 comment:
I'm sorry about the angry feelings that crop up and are real and so hard to see through, but so glad you're fighting them! You are so right about forgiveness. It really takes work, and prayer, and work and more prayer and lots of prayer, but what a gift forgiveness is when it comes.
Sending hugs to you.
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