When we were discussing and praying about having another baby, I was so excited. I missed having a little baby to snuggle up with, as my current child just wants to run, run, run and climb. (He climbed up on the table today and then cried when he couldn't figure out how to get down. I guess I should be thankful he didn't try to get himself down, he just cried until we saved him.) Umimportant was the fact that only just a few months ago, I began boxing up and putting away all the baby items that have cluttered up my house for months. Gone were the bottles, the pacifers, the walker, the swing, and so many more items that are must-haves when there is an infant in the house. It seemed like we were finally taking our house back! And now I have to get them back out again in a few months.
And to make matters worse, only a few months ago I finally got back down to the size I was before I had Jackson. I had worked so hard, and was feeling like a hardbody, lol, even though I was far from it. Now, at 10 weeks, my belly looks like I had one too many beers, and I have been forced to wear maternity pants already, not because my belly is too big for my regular jeans, but because my rear end is. (sigh)
I think I hate being pregnant. What a baby I am being about it this go-round, too! Before I got pregnant with Jackson, I was in the depths of despair after miscarrying my first pregnancy at the old age of 27. (I thought that was old to be having your first, anyway.) I was sure I would never get to be a mother. So when I got pregnant with Jackson, I loved every minute of it. I loved getting fat, I loved the attention, I ate whatever I wanted, I never worked out a day of my pregnancy, I got monthly pedicures, I treated myself like royalty. And I gained about 45 lbs.
Now, I am partially in denial that I am pregnant. I think the novelty of being pregnant has worn off. Although I am so excited to have another baby, I don't really think about it on a daily basis. I don't pamper myself - who has time? I try to watch what I eat (although I still do eat a lot of junk) because I know how hard it is to get it off. And now that I am about through the first trimester and not so tired all the time, I was in the gym last night hitting those eliptical machines and weights. I won't even tell you what my feet look like. At this point, I'm too embarrassed to go get a pedicure!
I hate the fact that no matter what I do, I am slowly losing control of my body. And I'm not just talking about the weight gain and change in shape. I hate that this growing fetus makes me so tired, that certain smells make me wanna retch, that I now have uncontrollable gas, that I'm going to have to deal with hemorrhoids again. There's no sense in sugar-coating it. Pregnancy takes over your body. You all know what I'm talking about.
But you know what, it's so worth it! ;)