The musings of ME:
SAH mother of 3 kids, spouse of a doctor-in-residency, caretaker and teacher of random children.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Good Advice

This was sent to me via forwarded email. The forwarded intent was to laugh at how absurd the message was and how outdated it is. Is it strange that I don't agree? I mean, obviously it is a little extreme, but I think if more women would adopt this attitude toward their husbands, maybe we'd have less divorces. I'm not saying it is completely up to the women to cater to their husbands to make it work, but when did our attitudes as a world of women change from loving and caring for our husbands to resenting them for making us do things for them? From the perspective of someone who has lost a husband (and NOT necessarily because I didn't cater to him enough), I think this is good advice. When Ben was a first year med student and I hadn't started the preschool yet, I ALWAYS made sure that by the time he came home I was dressed and had makeup on. Why should he get to date this constantly fixed up woman and then come home to a hag now that he married me?! That is just my opinion...take it or leave it. I've lost one husband already, I'll do what I have to do NOT to lose another. If it means I have to work a little harder, then so be it. I am happy, he is happy. Where is the problem?


Holly said...

This is a very slippery slope, especially when it comes to suggesting that having your hair done and make up on when a husband comes home, is going to decrease anyone's risk of losing their spouse, it seems like a marriage built on a strong foundation wouldn't be effected either way when DIVORCE is concerned. Dont get me wrong, I'm a believer that a certain amount of effort in not "letting yourself go" is healthy for a marriage, but certainly not done as a precaution against divorce. I'd like to think my marriage is much more secure than that, and I'm sure yours is too. We'll just have to agree to disagree on this one!

Holly said...

....I'm sorry. COLLEEN!!!!! ....I actually just clicked on this to enlarge it so I could actually read it...what are you thinking condoning something like this!!!!!!!! "A good wife always knows her place"...really? You are worth much much much more than that. NONE of those suggestions are sound advice for keeping an eternal marriage, the proclamation to the family clearly states "Fathers and Mothers are obligated to help one another as EQUAL partners.." sorry if you're mad at my saying this, and I hope you know I love you to pieces which is why Im in such shock!

Colleen said...

You misunderstood my meaning, Holly. I said that I thought it was extreme and that line about a wife knowing her place is a great example of that, but what I agree with is the sentiment. I don't think it is a precaution against divorce, but I do think the worth of my marriage is great enough that I would go to great lengths to make sure that my husband's needs are met and hopefully THAT attitude toward marriage (on the part of both man and wife) could prevent divorce.

Colleen said...

P.S. If I had to write a male version of this, what I expect from my husband might shock you as well...

P.P.S I recommend Dr. Laura's The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands for our next book club. I once heard Shari Dew say in a Time Out for Women that we should be careful not to take counsel from people who are busy building their own kingdom. I agree with this, but I think this book gives specifics about marriage that would be eye-opening for a lot of women.

Holly said...

sorry again if I sounded rash, it was just the line "I've lost a husband before, and I'll do what I have to do to not lose another " sounded like if women DIDNT do these things they'd risk losing a husband. Thats where the precaution against divorce came from.

Robin said...

I agree that we need to do what we can to keep our marriages in tact. We need love respect and time together. we feel in love with them and they fell in love with us. We need to do all we can to keep that love alive in our marriages. We want our spouses to want to be with us. Just like we want to be with them. I think sometimes in our world we are putting to much on this me society. I see it everyday, so many thnk of only themselves, not spouses or children or any one else but them. We shouldn't fall into the rut. Our husbands need us and we need them,a nd so do our children. That is a great package. One that we should always be thankfulfor and do the best for.

Shana said...

Oh Colleen! I guess you have struck a nerve with some people with this post?
While I don't agree with the over the top attitude of this article, I do however agree with what I think to be the point of the article.
Colleen, I understand and can empathize with EVERY WORD you have said on this topic as well.
Seriously ladies, I know that this is 2009 and both male and female are created equally. I am all for women having equal rights and liberties and such.
HOWEVER - God created males and females VERY differently from the other. We both have VERY different roles to fulfill while here on earth.
I KNOW that I am created by God and therfore it is not a mistake or "old fashioned" for me to take my divine purpose or role as mother and wife to be very sacred.
Whether others want to admit it or not, this includes taking care of ourselves as though we were still "dating" our husbands. Does that me I have to be little miss perfect all the time? HECK NO!
But we all know those women who let themselves go and expect that it won't matter. Is the physical all that matters? No, but again it is a big part of a relationship.
When I was dating my husband, I respected him, I knew what he was interested in, and I paid attention to what his like and dislikes were, I listened to him, and made myself available to him because I wanted him to know I cared for him and he was special to me. Why the hell (excuse me) does anybody think that just because you are married that this kind of behavior or thinking is okay to just go out the window?
Because it is not okay.
Even though we all, myself included, are guilty of falling short of being as good of a spouse as we ought to be. I still think it is good to strive to be that kind of spouse that puts their spouse first. Otherwise, your marriage is doomed from the start.
I don't care what the love songs say- LOVE IS NOT ALL YOU NEED! I know this from experience. It takes a lot more to keep a healthy and happy marriage than love alone. It takes a lot more effort and hard work and sacrifice than that.
A general authority said once in a talk when speaking about eternal marriage, I can't remember who it was, but I will never forget his words. "If you want your marriage to be special, you have to treat it as such."
I also have read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Doctor Laura, and I LOVED IT! Doctor Laura, who happens to be a woman, is spot on! I highly recommend reading it.
Of course, all of what I am saying goes both ways. If I put in this much, expect that much put in by my husband as well. Marriage is a two way street and can not be a one way street.

I love you Colleen. Thank you for your wisdom and your great food for thought. We all need it!

Colleen said...

Shana - you said what I was trying to say so much better than I said it. Thank you for articulating it better. You are my life twin, lol!! (You get what I'm sayin'.)