Last night my boys teamed up on me all night long. Jackson has an ear infection, I think, so he woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. Then Samson woke up twice to eat when he had been sleeping up to 7 hours last week. It is so frustrating to backslide in that department. I got very little sleep as a result. I accidentally slept in and then didn't get to fully pump before my kids started coming.
Plus, I am very upset because I have been pumping so much that my milk supply is very little and Sam is fussy all the time because he is hungry. This weekend I had to start supplementing with formula.
I have been wondering if the economy would hit my business and it looks like it is starting to. I didn't get full enrollment as I had hoped, so I can't afford Mrs. Olivia to come help me right now. On top of low enrollment, in the last 2 weeks I have lost/had to dismiss one child due to discipline problems and another's father's hours got cut back at work and he can no longer afford me full-time so he switched to part-time. I now have 4.5 spots open that I need to fill if we aren't going to take out any more student loans.
Today I am feeling like a failure. I'm feeling like all the balls I have been trying to juggle are falling down around me. I need to share my stress with someone, but I hesitate to admit it because I feel like there are those who are happy to see that I can't handle it all.
OR...maybe I'm just feeling depressed because of the endless rain we have been having and lack of sleep. Maybe things will turn around. It isn't the end of the world if I have to quit nursing and it isn't the end of the world if we have to take out more loans, it just wasn't our Plan A. I guess sometimes you have to be happy with your Plan B. *Slap* Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Colleen, and get up and do something about it!! lol