Thank you

I've had a problem lately. Solving it was going to be tricky, and in order to solve it I was going to have to do something I am not good at and something I really, really didn't want to do.

So last night I prayed that I wouldn't have to do it, that everything would just work out and I could avoid facing my problem. Isn't that a pansy way to handle a situation? I know, I know, but I am such a wuss about this type of problem. Well, today, my problem did not go away. It actually was made much worse. But instead of stressing out and getting upset like I normally do, I had a surreal sense of peace in the moment. I handled the situation in a way that I never thought I was able to do and I handled it well. It may not be over, but so far, I faced it. I'm proud of myself, but most of all, I'm grateful that the Lord answers prayers the way he sees fit. He makes us into stronger people and lightens our burdens instead of allowing to shrink away from responsibility. Thank you, Lord.

Update: TODAY (9/1) I got to avoid the ongoing problem, but I'll have to face it again tomorrow. At least I got today off, because so far this day has been madness. Jackson is still coughing and today he was inches from a coughing turned puking fit all over me and Samson who was strapped to my chest. Thankfully he did it in the kitchen where I could mop up, and only sprayed himself, so I only had to strip him down and give him a bath while the kids watched the pre-nap movie. Please, please let them all sleep today! Please, please let Jackson not wake up with another coughing/throwing up fit...

Fun and Sickness

This was actually taken in July, but I thought it was a cute picture of Jack.

Tonight we had a $5 buy-in Texas Hold 'Em tournament at my house with a few friends. We normally don't play for money, but when you play for a pot, people play less aggressively and more serious and it is just more fun. We had a great time laughing and telling stories, and guess what? I won! Since there were 6 of us, I won $30, and we had put together a little basket of goodies, and Ben had the idea to include a certificate for a 30 minute foot massage from the losing partner of the couple for the winning partner, so he now owes me a massage, too! That is the part I am most excited about!! ;)

However, Jackson has been sick since Thursday. He started with a low grade fever and no other symptoms, but overnight he developed a nasty croupy cough. Ben said although he sounds bad, he just has a virus and he has to get better on his own. We kept an eye on him all day yesterday, and did Motrin and cold mist treatments every few hours and this morning he seemed better. It was all we could do to get him to quit running around the house and rest! He didn't take a long nap though because he has a hard time breathing well when he is lying down. Tonight we put him to bed at 8:30, but he woke up at 10:30 and again at 12:45 am right after all our friends left. When Ben listened to his chest the second time, he said he wasn't moving much air, so he decided to take him to the hospital. So here I am, home with Sam, unable to sleep for worry. I know how scary it can be to not be able to breathe as I stuggled with childhood asthma when I was growing up. It breaks my heart, and I am kinda wishing I woke Sam up and went with them now just to be there, but the last thing we need is for Sam to catch something, too. I'm keeping a close eye on him to make sure he doesn't come down with croup, too.

It has been so nice having Ben home so much this weekend. He took care of Jack all night last night and most of this morning, and I only had to get up with Sam (still nursing at night at least once). I even got to sleep in until 10:30, which I needed after a long first week of school. I don't know what I'll do next week if Jack is still sick on Monday. I'll need to keep him away from the other kids since he is contagious, but Mrs. Olivia is still out of town for her daughter's wedding and can't come sub for me. Ben won't be able to help me because he starts his rotation in Internal Medicine on Monday. Plus, Jack's birthday is on Monday, and I was going to throw him a little birthday party during the school day, but I'm not ready for it and I think Jack is too sick for it, so I think I'll wait until Friday.

Anyway, I'm sad that Jack is so sick, but I'm so grateful for the timing of it, that Ben was able to be here and help me know what to do and help me take care of all my responsibilities with a sick kid. He is such a great man and I am grateful for his knowledge and leadership in our family.

Rainbow (dedicated to Good Life)

About a week after I had Sam, somwhere in the beginning of June, we had this mild storm. After the storm, I headed out to return some books at the library and when I pulled out of my driveway, this is what I saw. I was struck with the clarity of the rainbow and don't know if this picture does it justice, but I was also impressed with how it framed my house perfectly.

It has stuck in my mind ever since.

I interpreted it as my personal rainbow. It means that the Lord is pleased with me, and I won't ever have to go through the same trials I have already been through again. After I posted my birthday post, I realized I should have included this picture. So here it is. Cool, huh?

Seasons

Today I am 30.

Lately I have been doing a lot of reflecting on who I am today and how I came to be that person. I am grateful for seasons of life because they help you grow, make you stronger (even when you thought you were strong enough), and teach you to appreciate things you have and just to be alive everyday.

I am glad to be 30. This is a great season of life. I have 2 beautiful boys, a loving husband who works so hard for us, we have absolutely no credit card debt or other major debts hanging over our heads (except for the ever-accruing school loans, haha, oh, and of course, our home & one car), we have more than what we need even in a dwindling economy, and we are all very healthy. I am happy, very happy, and there was a time when I thought I never would be.

I actually thought I'd never get married again, never have kids, never get out of debt, etc, etc, etc. I was MISERABLE. I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to live. How sad that a person in their 20's with so much life left to live couldn't be happy. All I could do was sit around and feel sorry for myself and count all the ways that my life sucked. That was not a fun season. I'm glad it is over, but I'm also glad (in some ways) that I went through it. I learned how to love and respect myself and others, and to marry someone who was a good decision with my head and my heart. I learned patience, and how to be a good teacher, which taught me how to be a good mother. I learned to take care of my body, not to abuse it and that health is a blessing and not to take it for granted. I learned to set goals for myself and keep my standards. I learned that happiness is a verb. It is something you have to earn for youself, not something you just get from alcohol, a cigarette, junk food or a man. I learned that if you want to be happy, you can find directions in the scriptures and from our prophets, and that it really isn't as fleeting or complicated as we think it is.

How glad I am not to be in that place anymore. So today I am grateful for the chance to grow and change and learn. I am happy to be 30 and look forward to facing new seasons, no matter what they may bring.

August Pictures

All summer I have had such a great time running around and doing some fun things with my boys that I am sad to see it end. We have one more week just the 3 of us, and then we'll have a house full of 4 year olds. I love teaching, and I love that I am able to do it from my home, but I know I will miss this fun time we have had playing together all summer. I thought I'd post a few pics of some of the fun things we have done this summer. Sam has changed so much since he was a newborn until now. In a week he'll be 3 months! Soon he won't be my little cuddly baby anymore; he'll be running around (chasing Jackson probably) and saying funny things. Time flies too fast sometimes.

I'm Losing Bigtime

The end of Butts vs Guts is in a little over a week and I am losing!!! (If you are tired of hearing about this, you'd better just skip this blog.)

BUT...I know I couldn't possibly have worked any harder, so I feel good about it. Plus, I realize now that I set some pretty unrealisitic goals for myself. I'll get there, but not in less than 3 months.

Total weight loss = 3 lbs (not impressive - Sam has gained 7 lbs since his birth so how come that didn't come off me!!?? ;)

I gave up on trying to run 3 miles in 25 minutes because running outside was hurting my knees and ankles and not helping me as much as the elliptical was, so I made a new goal for 5 miles in 30 minutes on the elliptical and I do that regularly.

My top 2 abs are visible, but the others are still buried under extra baby skin and pudge.

I so won't be a size 8, but I am fitting into my 10s more and more lately, and I know my size large tops are too big now, too!

I'm happy. Not satisfied, but happy.

2 new sentences

This is what we are hearing a lot of lately from Jackson:

"I DON'T LIKE IT!"

or

"I HAD IT FIRST!"

The first he picked up from us always asking him if he likes something (food, a new toy, etc) and always encouraging him to use his words and tell us he doesn't like something instead of screaming or whining. He uses it a lot when I am cleaning his face or wiping his nose.

The second he picked from the kids at the gym day care. When I take something away from him, he says, "No! I had it first!" (Sorry, buddy, Mama trumps the "I had it first" rule.)

What a Day!

Got up, nursed Sam, fed Jackson breakfast, got us all dressed, went to the gym, went to Wal-mart, raced home to get swimwear, sunscreen, towels and frozen breastmilk for Sam (forgot the breastmilk), took the boys to a birthday party (at the pool), came home, fed Jackson lunch, nursed Sam, put both boys down for a nap, re-painted the wall that my preschool girls "decorated" with crayons, helped Ben build us a loft in the playroom so we can have the reading center above the dramatic play center, nursed Sam again, cooked dinner, ate dinner, helped Ben some more, played with Jackson to keep him out of the playroom, put in Backyardigans for Jack when I had to nurse Sam again, bathed Jack, read 3 books, said prayers, put him to bed, put Sam in the swing because he was fussy and the swing always works, came to help Ben finish the loft. All this and my stomach has been sick all day! Go me!!


To Do List before kids = get all tasks done in one day
To Do List with one kid = takes 2-3 days to get all tasks done
To Do List with 2 kids = takes at least a week to get all tasks done, sometimes more

We aren't having more kids for a while! ;) But we sure love the ones we've got!