The musings of ME:
SAH mother of 3 kids, spouse of a doctor-in-residency, caretaker and teacher of random children.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

What is wrong with me?!

I must be hormonal or something! Lately, I have been either super depressed for no real reason, embarrassed over something trivial, very angry about something only one step up from trivial, and then really happy and empowered. I think it is a combination of factors:

1. I'm LONELY!! Ben is always gone and I'm bored and I love my children and my home, but I am ready to get away from both for a while!! Plus, I have no one to talk to. I'm around kids all day and get very little adult interaction!!

2. I'm frustrated with the weight loss plateau I'm on. Okay, well, that isn't exactly true; I am losing, but it is taking FOREVER!!! I hate feeling so pudgy and out of shape! I hate that most of my jeans make me look like a streetwalker when I try to get into them, so I don't and just look fat in other pants. Dresses are good, I should just wear dresses...

3. I found out about something not-so-good that had been going on that I didn't know about, and it is partly my fault becuse I had failed to take care of something and partly my fault for being so naive and trusting. Now I am embarrassed that I was so blind. I feel really stupid, even though it really isn't that big of a deal.

4. I'm stressed about handling so many responsibilities on my own all the time! AND worried that I may not be balancing them all very well.

5. Happy and empowered - well, that is because I was at the gym running myself skinny on the elliptical and I was jamming to a song I liked on my MP3 and feeling strong and confident.

Hmmm...I should live at the gym.


Kirsten said...

hey girl, FIRST OFF - breath!! We have all been there! You are super busy AND you have two children under the age of... well... 2!!!
You need to realize when you hit your limit!
SECOND - your wegith loss is slowing b/c of your stress! It may not have happened before but I guarantee if you quit stressing SO MUCH about how fat you look (which you DON"T!!!) then it'll just start to come off! When you stress about it, you lose the momentum AND you automatically don't lose weight b/c everything you burn off in at the gym, burns off the stress and not the fat! So CHILL OUT!
You are beautiful and talented and have two beutiful children.... you may not feel all that great but you have to STOP stressing about it so much!
THIRD - I don't think you're hormonal.... I think you are a busy SAHM of two, who is also a in-home-teacher of what.... like 6+ kids!?! You basically never leave the house unless you're running errands and going to the gym. Find something FUN to do BY YOURSELF! And no, going to the gym doesn't count :) There has to be a time when Ben, or even your VT's, that can give you at least an hour of YOU TIME!! You need it.... so take it!!! Even if it's on a day that you think you need family time..... DON"T! If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! Besides, it'll give Ben a chance to be with his boys alone.... doing something fun... everybody wins!!
~there's my 3 cents of advice~
Just always remember that you are an amazing mother, teacher, wife, and friend..... you don't like to do things 1/2 a$$ed and that's AWESOME.... but you also need to let yourself just be you! Make sense!?!
Email me, or call me if you ever need to vent or just want to talk :) and remember, it happens to the best of us! As busy as you are, if you weren't stressed out about how much you have on your plate, there WOULD be something wrong with you... so clearly, there isn't :) luv ya!

nikko said...

Nothing is wrong... You are normal! ;o)

Too bad I never see you at the gym. I suppose you go in the evenings and I always go in the mornings.

We live so close -- we should get together. I'm so bad about planning stuff like that. Or, you're more than welcome to drop off Jack and Sam someday for some alone time!